Taking the good with the bad

So I’ve been struggling all week with quitting smoking.  I am not saying I am perfect, but I have been trying as hard as I can.  My weakest point this week was when I was determined to buy a pack of cigarettes. I got in my car and said, “This morning was too stressful. I need a cigarette.”  I drove to the nearest gas station and walked up to the door. Guess who happened to be there?  None other than my trainer Paul. I swear he shows up whenever I want to make the wrong health choice. He has some kind of radar or something. So I bought a diet Dc Pepper instead and went to the gym to work out.

I’m a little frustrated this week, mainly because the scale hasn’t been moving much.  Paul thinks I might not be eating enough. So I’ve been keeping an even more detailed list of what I have been eating so Paul and I can go over it on Monday.  He told me if you don’t eat enough calories that you will have a hard time losing weight.  He also said that I am at the gym enough that the scale should be moving more than it has the last few weeks. I thought I was eating too much, but never thought I was eating too little.  I’m still trying to get enough protein in my diet, but it is hard for me to remember that I have to get it in, especially after working out. You are told most of you life that eating 3 square mills is import part of life, so getting used to eating 5 to 6 times a day take some time to become routine.  Especially when you get busy taking care of children, or when you’re not at home. But writing it down does help.

One of the highlights of this week was that my daughter Rachael came to watch me work out. She wants to work out even more now but doesn’t want to wait until she is 14.  Paul let her run around the building with me and that made her very happy. She has even called her grandparents to tell them that she got to run with me. Another highlight to this week:  I haven’t been able to walk through a department store or grocery store since I hurt my back. We always take for granted the simple things until we can’t do them any longer. I had to use one of those remote controlled carts to get around. Yesterday I am happy to say I was able to walk though a Wal-Mart store with out needing help. This is a milestone for me. Next stop Mall of America…

My back injection has been postponed for two weeks. They are really careful when doing these injections they will not do it if there is any signs of infection in you body. So I had to have a white blood cell count done, and mine were elevated. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because everyone in my house has been sick all week. I have felt fine. But now I have to wait two weeks to get this injection.

I have never felt so much support and love as I have now, so I feel the need to thank all of you who are cheering me on and supporting me. I was at Alexis’s celebration this weekend and was greeted by so many of her friends and family. Most I have never met before, and they all were encouraging me and telling me they are readers. You all took me by surprise, but thank you!  And congratulations to Alexis for competing in her figure competition this weekend.  I am proud of you too!

From the Outside, Looking In

Today’s post is from Dorothy’s best friend, Christena.  She tells us a little about their past, the changes she already sees in her friend, and how she feels about all of it!



It is not often that someone can say that they have had a best friend for 30 years. I am one of those lucky few who can say such a thing. Dorothy and I met at church when I was seven years old and we have been friends ever since. Over the years we have shared a lot. We have laughed at life and cried on each other’s shoulders, said our last goodbyes to friends and relatives, and rejoiced at weddings and births. Some years were hard, some easy, but we always found comfort in times of need on the others shoulder. It is truly a rare and precious thing to have such a friend in this world.

There is one thing though, that I could never help Dorothy with. That was her struggle with weight loss. Over the years we have had many conversations about this topic. She would tell me how she started a new diet program and how she wished and hoped to get the weight off. We would make plans for the shopping spree or a vacation. But the wish and hope and dream never seemed to materialize. I could never tell her how much it worried me. If I could do anything to help her I would. However, I knew that this was a battle only she could fight. So I prayed for her and encouraged her to keep trying.

Then a few weeks ago she called me. I heard something new in her voice: determination and fear. Fear that she would not be able to do all the things she wanted to with her daughter; fear that her health problems would lead to an early death. I also heard determination.  She said to me, “I’m not going to keep living like this.  I am making a change.  I joined a gym and I’m learning to eat differently.”  This was the moment I had been praying for! She was not talking about wishing anymore.  She was talking about goals, work, and change.  Of course it did not stop there.  She has been calling me and telling me about pounds coming off and her “mean” personal trainer who challenges her every day to try stuff she never dreamed she could do (I really want to give that guy a hug and tell him to keep it up).

Saturday I drove down to see her for a gym “date.”  She looked great! We went to the gym to work out and WOW!! I remember when she could not make it through the mall. She went two miles on the elliptical then she moved on to the treadmill and the bike, for a total of four miles. But that was not the end of our day!  We went to Madison to see my mom in the hospital and even went for lunch. In the past my friend could not have done so much in one day, but obviously working out has really increased her stamina. I’m so proud of her. She is not wishing or hoping that she will lose weight. She’s working to change her life one step at a time. I’m so excited and I know she can do it. I can’t wait to do the polka with her at her daughter’s wedding!

Emotional Rollercoaster..

This has been a week of emotional struggles.  For many reasons, April has always been a hard month for me, even more so since my sister passed away.  Krissy (my sister) and I shared the same birthday. We were born on the same day and she was 7 years older.  But even before she died it was an emotional month for me. Just ask my best friend, Christena, and she would tell you that this month is very unlucky for me. I am determined to change this. However, my still in process divorce and other life stressors have made this week difficult.  On top of all that keeping my work out schedule and diet hasn’t been easy for me. In the past this would have stopped me or given me a reason to give up. But I feel more than ever that this is a change that has to happen now.  I even get frustrated with myself, feeling like I should be able to do more than I currently am.

Monday I met with my spine specialist. She has recommended that I go and get another injection in my back. I was hoping that I wouldn’t need another one. But she thinks that with another injection I will be able to get further in my exercise program. So this Friday I will being doing just that. I don’t like the idea because I have to take a day off of everything. The first 24 hrs after I get the shot I will not be able to walk very well. Usually my right side gets numb and my coordination is off.  But if it gets me to the point where I can get more into exercising I am going to give it a try.

Monday I also had training with Paul. You know how you look at a machine when you are working out and think I will NEVER get on that one! Well ever since I have joined Anytime I looked at that stair climber machine with absolute dread! Let’s just say after my back injury I have had problems with stairs, mainly because my left side of my body has been weaker. I usually had to take steps one at time, so I avoided them at all cost. So as luck would have it, Paul had me on the dreaded machine and I was walking steps. I think he told me I made it 11 stories before he let me stop. For me 11 stories is unbelievable. I have been feeling sore from it all week.  Feeling the burn is an understatement!  And he had me on it again on Friday!

Paul met with me again on Thursday. We were having a good workout but I ended up aggravating my back again. I got really frustrated and emotional. I hate that I let myself get to this point! I get mad at myself that my body doesn’t do what I think it should be able to do. So my emotions got the better of me on Thursday, and Paul turned from trainer to therapist and didn’t let me leave until I talked it out with him.  I was feeling like I was failing and wondering what the hell I was doing all of this for.  Paul told me that lots of us go through this when we are training. Not to mention he reminded me how far I have come, and what I have already accomplished. Once again we are always hardest on ourselves!

I still struggle with diet, but this week my problem was not eating enough, especially protein. I have a hard time remembering to get protein in after my work out, which is usually between lunch and supper. Paul has been trying to get me to eat 5 to 6 smaller meals a day. I do well in the morning, but I never eat between lunch and supper. Paul has told me that protein is important to heal muscles, so I’m trying!

Now I am going to admit something I am not proud of.  I have been struggling with quitting smoking. For those of you have known me since I was young, sorry to disappoint you, because I feel like I disappointed myself when I started.  I’ve never been good at getting rid of bad habits, but I am happy to say I am a quitter! I have been smoke free for a few days so far and I plan to stay that way.  It just doesn’t make sense to make all these health changes and keep doing something that could still kill me. So now that I am telling all of you, I have to keep it up.

On a good note, I had a very nice visit from my best friend, Christena, on Saturday. I did not know this when I joined Anytime fitness but she is also a member of Anytime in Beaver Dam, so she came to work out with me.  She has not seen me since I started working out and she was surprised at how well I am doing.  On Thursday we’ll be posting a special blog from Christena.  She will share about my journey from her point of view!

By the way I took another 3 lbs off this week, and still going.

Learning to believe...

At the beginning of last week I was still restricted on what I could do physically, because I aggravated my back problems helping my soon to be ex-husband move his things out of my house.  I missed training with Paul on Monday because of this, which made me a little angry.  But I refused to let that detour me from my goals and I was back at it the next day.

On Tuesday, Paul had me outside doing my exercising. I was running in the park. Yes, me, who said I would never run again, was outside running through the park. The further I ran the more I thought, “I can’t do this.  I am never going to make it.”  But I did.  I’m still trying to prove to myself I can, every day.  But I’ve realized I should never say never again. Believing in myself is hard sometimes, but I am getting used to it.  Also, feeling comfortable about doing exercise outside has not been easy for me. This new program is pushing me in all areas I guess.  Like Paul gives me a choice!

Paul also had me play games this week in training.  Although I don’t know if I think his games are very fun!  You would think playing a kids game, like Memory, would be extremely easy. Not so much after you got done walking a mile and you have to play it while doing pushups.  It’s not so easy to remember when you know if you get it wrong you have to do more pushups.  But I survived.  Looking back on it now, it was kind of fun.

I realize that sticking to a diet when you have a child and other people living with you is hard.  It was even harder over the holiday weekend. To top it off one of my roommates is working at a sub place here in town. I love subs, just not the ones that are healthy for you. So I’ve been trying to find other food I can enjoy while they are eating. I’m not perfect and I do slip. Like getting a muffin with my morning coffee and having Paul walk into the gas station while I was buying it!  I really didn’t think about it until he said something to the affect that muffins are just cupcakes without frosting. Not the healthiest choice. That is what this is all about: Learning how to change my diet while working out right. But the more you try the easier it becomes.

So here are my accomplishments this week. I took another 2 minutes off my mile, walking, biking, and on the elliptical. I have lost another 4 lbs (for a total of 27) and I’m still going. I have to continue to thank my friends and family and every one who keeps pushing me and encouraging me thought this journey.  It has helped more than you know! Also thank you to Ryan Z., who comes in to do cardio with me sometimes, and to Paul who pushes me even when I tell him “I can’t.” You’re all amazing and I love you for it!

Being smart about pain

I guess it is possible to push yourself too hard!  This week I was grounded, so to speak, by Paul.  He thought I was on the verge of tearing my muscles, so he made me slow down to keep that from happening.  I was also not allowed to use the elliptical or do resistance training for two days. I also missed a day of training this week.  Paul said that tearing muscles would be counterproductive because of how long it will take to heal.

He also said he wouldn’t train me if I couldn’t give 100% and he didn’t feel right taking my money if I couldn’t go all out.  Here I was, all prepared to keep going, but now I see I need to slow down.  This just goes to show that we are always harder on ourselves than anyone else is.

In the past I was afraid of pain.  That was one of the biggest excuses I used to stop me from working on my health… I couldn’t because my back hurt.  I spent a lot of time thinking of all the things I couldn’t do instead of doing something to fix myself. Believe me I used all the excuses in the world. But seeing the progress I’ve made and how everyone has supported me and rallied around me when I finally made up my mind to do this is amazing. I realized how blessed I am that I have so many people who have went out of their way to help and support me. You’re all amazing!

Despite this little set back, I was able to shave almost 2 minutes off my mile. I can bike a mile in less than 6 minutes. I have also lost another 6lbs (for a total of 23). Considering where I started, I would have never thought I would be here in such a short time. I feel even more determined to reach my goals. I know I have a long ways to go, but I feel I prove to myself I can do this every day! My only regret is that I waited so long to start!