Emotional Rollercoaster..

This has been a week of emotional struggles.  For many reasons, April has always been a hard month for me, even more so since my sister passed away.  Krissy (my sister) and I shared the same birthday. We were born on the same day and she was 7 years older.  But even before she died it was an emotional month for me. Just ask my best friend, Christena, and she would tell you that this month is very unlucky for me. I am determined to change this. However, my still in process divorce and other life stressors have made this week difficult.  On top of all that keeping my work out schedule and diet hasn’t been easy for me. In the past this would have stopped me or given me a reason to give up. But I feel more than ever that this is a change that has to happen now.  I even get frustrated with myself, feeling like I should be able to do more than I currently am.

Monday I met with my spine specialist. She has recommended that I go and get another injection in my back. I was hoping that I wouldn’t need another one. But she thinks that with another injection I will be able to get further in my exercise program. So this Friday I will being doing just that. I don’t like the idea because I have to take a day off of everything. The first 24 hrs after I get the shot I will not be able to walk very well. Usually my right side gets numb and my coordination is off.  But if it gets me to the point where I can get more into exercising I am going to give it a try.

Monday I also had training with Paul. You know how you look at a machine when you are working out and think I will NEVER get on that one! Well ever since I have joined Anytime I looked at that stair climber machine with absolute dread! Let’s just say after my back injury I have had problems with stairs, mainly because my left side of my body has been weaker. I usually had to take steps one at time, so I avoided them at all cost. So as luck would have it, Paul had me on the dreaded machine and I was walking steps. I think he told me I made it 11 stories before he let me stop. For me 11 stories is unbelievable. I have been feeling sore from it all week.  Feeling the burn is an understatement!  And he had me on it again on Friday!

Paul met with me again on Thursday. We were having a good workout but I ended up aggravating my back again. I got really frustrated and emotional. I hate that I let myself get to this point! I get mad at myself that my body doesn’t do what I think it should be able to do. So my emotions got the better of me on Thursday, and Paul turned from trainer to therapist and didn’t let me leave until I talked it out with him.  I was feeling like I was failing and wondering what the hell I was doing all of this for.  Paul told me that lots of us go through this when we are training. Not to mention he reminded me how far I have come, and what I have already accomplished. Once again we are always hardest on ourselves!

I still struggle with diet, but this week my problem was not eating enough, especially protein. I have a hard time remembering to get protein in after my work out, which is usually between lunch and supper. Paul has been trying to get me to eat 5 to 6 smaller meals a day. I do well in the morning, but I never eat between lunch and supper. Paul has told me that protein is important to heal muscles, so I’m trying!

Now I am going to admit something I am not proud of.  I have been struggling with quitting smoking. For those of you have known me since I was young, sorry to disappoint you, because I feel like I disappointed myself when I started.  I’ve never been good at getting rid of bad habits, but I am happy to say I am a quitter! I have been smoke free for a few days so far and I plan to stay that way.  It just doesn’t make sense to make all these health changes and keep doing something that could still kill me. So now that I am telling all of you, I have to keep it up.

On a good note, I had a very nice visit from my best friend, Christena, on Saturday. I did not know this when I joined Anytime fitness but she is also a member of Anytime in Beaver Dam, so she came to work out with me.  She has not seen me since I started working out and she was surprised at how well I am doing.  On Thursday we’ll be posting a special blog from Christena.  She will share about my journey from her point of view!

By the way I took another 3 lbs off this week, and still going.